Goodbye Grandma

The heat from the flames warms my shins as I sit by the fire in my robe. This is how I dry off and warm up from bathing and swimming in the lake after a mid-afternoon run. The wind has shifted, indicating inclement weather may be on the horizon. As a young girl, I learned how to forecast the weather by observing which way the wind would blow across the lake, which turned out to be surprisingly accurate.

Yesterday we had a beautiful day putting my grandmother to rest and welcoming an old friend I hadn’t seen for 20 years. We awoke to the sun shining and decided that it was the perfect day to have Grandma Barta’s ceremony. So after my nephew, Jake went down to sleep, we all headed into the woods to honor her life and bury her ashes. There we sat in a circle, surrounded by trees, overlooking the lake and dock. The spot we had picked felt so right for her, as this was her place – her home – her heart. We opened the circle by smudging the space with a sage smudge stick left over from my wedding in 2003 and left it burning throughout. Mom, Chris, Barbara, Kristian, Riley and I honored her by reading some of her best poems about Rangeley Lake, the Loons, and Camp from her latest edition of her Poetry book. We shared memories, tears, and laughter as we reminisced about the magnificent, passionate, inspirational, and powerful woman she was. I shared a continuation of the words I spoke in her ear just before she took her last breath in a poem I wrote entitled You Are To Me.

You Are To Me:
You are the ripples on the lake
And the call of the Loon
You are the joy in the Hummingbird
And the peace in the forest
You are the exuberance of the wind
And the gentleness of the rain
You are the tradition of camp
And the fragrance in the flowers
You are the bounce in the Rebounder
And the sweetness of Pine Tree

You are my inspiration
And a carrier of my legacy
You are courage
You are strong-willed
You are my teacher
You are my gift
You are my great grandmother

Thank you for all the lessons you taught me on the earth…

For I learned from you…
…the importance of walking the walk
…what judgment is
…the value of having a dream
…the power of believing in myself
…the power of a positive attitude and the reality that one can heal thyself
…to appreciate beauty – in the flowers, in nature, in clothes, in things, and in people
…to love entertaining and bringing people together to enjoy great food and friendship
…to love horses and the freedom and partnership they would teach me
…to love to garden – connecting with the life force of Mother Earth
…to appreciate wide open spaces, fields, meadows and lakes
…the importance of movement and the joy in writing

You showed me the necessity of dreaming and knowing where you want to go
You taught me about energy – the forces that empowers our vitality as well as the healing energy that comes through our hands
You taught me not to try but do it with all my might and mind
You showed me what fear looks like and what dying is about for I witnessed a transcendence of peace and surrender as your Spirit passed on

So thank you for what you are to me. I will miss you and bid you adieu with the signature you passed along to me.

With love & light,
Jennifer

We all signed the box that contained her ashes and all took a turn placing the dirt to cover the hole where they will rest. We placed flowers and a blue hummingbird ornament next to her grave and placed the headstone securely in place that read “Judy Barta – Love & Light – 1920-2009”. The sun casted its light in delicate detail and we felt complete and blessed.

I feel Grandma’s Spirit all around. She knows we are here and I will always feel her presence in my heart. I am grateful for all the gifts she has taught me, for she was one of my most powerful teachers. With that, I bid her adieu and return to my family time by the fire.